Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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