I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
