Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
