i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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