Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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