my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
