in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
