just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
