I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
