I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
