he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
