I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
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