I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
