Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
