Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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