She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
