I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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