so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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