Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
