Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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