is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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