I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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