Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
