I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
