so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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