obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
