My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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