Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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