smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
