he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
