Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
