At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
