i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You can't motorboat a personality
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
