This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm having to shit out rocks
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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