i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
