Soap is not a condiment
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
