Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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