Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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