I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
