So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
