your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
