I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
