the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
