we have pet lesbian snakes
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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