You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
