His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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