But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
