I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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