I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
