Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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