i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
