if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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